By the time you read this column, you may have already abandoned your New Year’s resolutions.

What sounded like a great idea on Jan. 1 has become simply wishful thinking, or you may be fully resolved to be successful in your plan for positive change and are making progress.

What is the secret to making positive changes in our lives? The idea that comes to my mind immediately is taking a strengths-based approach to change. The River Center uses this approach when working with individuals and with families. It is a commonsense strategy that builds on already-present strengths rather than emphasizing problems. This approach encourages a positive partnership and ultimately leads to positive change.

Since I am not a social worker, let me share how I understand this concept. I am not motivated to change if you point your finger at me and tell me what a lousy job I am doing. That just makes me do one of two things – dig in my heels and refuse to change or give up entirely. Emphasizing my problems is not helpful. I am now angry at you and probably at myself. I want to find a place to hide and give up.

On the other hand, if I am approached with what I do well, I sit up straight. You have my attention. Tell me more. I start to feel good about myself which makes me hopeful. I can do this. I can keep going. I am more inclined to allow you to come alongside me and help me figure out what positive changes I want to make.

A great fitness instructor makes everyone in the class feel successful. They may point out the great effort you are putting into those sit-ups rather than berating you for only doing two. The friend you want with you when you are attempting something new and difficult is the friend that will encourage you and not point out your failings.

Positive change needs a friendly environment to blossom and grow. Others can help us see our strengths and give us words of encouragement or simply come alongside us as moral support.

I am also aware that I need to create my own friendly environment for positive change in myself. Am I looking at my strengths or my challenges? Am I pointing my own finger at myself in condemnation? Do I tell myself I can’t change? Am I my own worst enemy in the desire for positive change? Yikes. I need to remind myself of what I am doing well, where I am succeeding, and then tackle something I want to change.

What I want to change will motivate me because it is my desire. If someone else tells me I need to lose weight, it is doubtful I will be particularly motivated to lose weight. But if I decide that is what I want to do and set a reasonable weight-loss goal, then there is a higher chance that I will succeed.

So, back to those New Year’s resolutions. Let’s remember what we are doing well. If we want to change something, let’s set a reasonable goal, find a friend to encourage us and remind ourselves that we’ve got this.

And contact us at The River Center at rivercenternh.org so we can help you connect with the right supports to achieve your goals. 

Margaret Nelson is executive director of The River Center Family and Community Resource Center in Peterborough.